In what is perhaps to become an annual thing, at least as long as the whole ‘Culture War’ goes on, is Positive Liberty’s A Pagan Dialogue on Christmas from 2005.
The mists of the Absolute drew back, revealing three mostly humanoid figures. Each sat on a lotus, the radiance of which dispelled the least obscurity and falsehood.
Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva – the only genuine gods of the world – were holding court. As we all know, each is but a manifestation of Brahman, the Great Oneness. A bit depressingly, they still like to gossip.
“Can you believe what the Christians are up to now?” asked Vishnu.
“Not them again,” grumbled Shiva.
“Explain,” said Brahma.
“As you know,” Vishnu began, “the West is divided into innumerable religious sects, each of which is convinced that their personal god is the only true god in all of creation.”
“And yet–” interjected Brahma “–don’t they all worship the God of Abraham?”
“They do,” said Shiva. “But my God of Abraham can beat up your God of Abraham.”
“And that’s where the whole embarrassment begins,” (
“But what if most nonchristians, myself included, simply don’t give a rat’s ass about what others may or may not be celebrating?” Shiva asked. “And what if some of us celebrate the Christians’ holiday, except that for us it means peace and love and harmony?”
“It’s not true!” the man replied. “You say that you don’t mind Christian celebrations, you say you’re tolerant, and cosmopolitan, and decent. You even say that you celebrate peace and love and harmony. But deep down inside, you secretly hate Christmas. And I have to stop you from hating it — by wishing you a Merry Christmas with every chance that I get!”
“No tolerance for the tolerant,” said Vishnu.
“You know,” said Brahma. “The last time I shopped at Target, no one wished me a Happy Diwali. Not one person. I wonder if Target hates Hindus?”
“It’s a war of all against all,” said Shiva gravely.
Hilarious! And perhaps necessary if you have in-laws or relatives of a certain stripe. In an American Gods way